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Application
Essay Writing 101
The
application is a lifeless thing--a few sheets of paper and a few numbers.
The
essay is the best way to breathe life into it. - Admissions Officer
Welcome to EssayEdge’s Admissions Essay writing
course. After editing tens of thousands of admissions essays for applicants, we created the ultimate course for
students seeking an extra edge in
the ultra-competitive college and graduate school application process.
The course contains six lessons and over 100 pages of
content. Each of the lessons should help you with a different portion of the
essay.
Enter the course by clicking a link below or to the
left.
Lesson One: Tackling the Question
Question-specific
strategies and samples
of various types of questions with comments by admissions officers:
From ESSAYS THAT WILL GET YOU INTO COLLEGE, by Amy Burnham,
Daniel Kaufman, and Chris Dowhan.
Copyright 1998 by Dan Kaufman.
Reprinted by arrangement with Barron's Educational Series, Inc.
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Graduate School Help
Content provided by EssayEdge.com.
Put Harvard-Educated Editors to Work for You!
Graduate School Statement Samples
This section
contains five sample graduate school personal statements:
Why
Graduate School? Essay
My freshman year at Harvard, I was
sitting in a Postcolonial African Literature class when Professor Ngugi wa
Thiong'o (the influential Kenyan author) succeeded in attracting me to the study
of African literature through nothing more than a single sentence. He argued
that, when a civilization adopts reading and writing as the chief form of social
communication, it frees itself to forget its own values, because those values no
longer have to be part of a lived reality in order to have significance. I was
immediately fascinated by the idea that the written word can alter individual
lives, affect one's identity, and perhaps even shape national identity.
Professor Ngugi's proposal forced me
to think in a radically new way: I was finally confronted with the notion of
literature not as an agent of vital change, but as a potential instrument of
stasis and social stagnancy. I began to question the basic assumptions with
which I had, until then, approached the field. How does "literature"
function away from the written page, in the lives of individuals and societies?
What is the significance of the written word in a society where the construction
of history is not necessarily recorded or even linear?
I soon discovered that the general
scope of comparative literature fell short of my expectations because it didn't
allow students to question the inherent integrity or subjectivity of their
discourse. We were being told to approach Asian, African, European, and American
texts with the same analytical tools, ignoring the fact that, within each
culture, literature may function in a different capacity, and with a completely
different sense of urgency. Seeking out ways in which literature tangibly
impacted societies, I began to explore other fields, including history,
philosophy, anthropology, language, and performance studies.
The interdisciplinary nature of my
work is best illustrated by my senior thesis ("Time Out of Joint: Issues of
Temporality in the Songs of Okot p'Bitek"). In addition to my literary
interpretations, the thesis drew heavily on both the Ugandan author's own
cultural treatises and other anthropological, psychological, and philosophical
texts. By using tools from other disciplines, I was able to interpret the
literary works while developing insight into the Ugandan society and popular
psychology that gave birth to the horrific Idi Amin regime. In addition, I was
able to further understand how people interacted with the works and incorporated
(or failed to incorporate) them into their individual, social, and political
realities.
On a more practical level, writing
the thesis also confirmed my suspicion that I would like to pursue an academic
career. When I finished my undergraduate career, I felt that a couple of years
of professional work would give me a better perspective of graduate school. I
decided to secure a position which would grant me experiences far removed from
the academic world, yet which would also permit me to continue developing the
research and writing skills I needed to tackle the challenges of graduate
school. I have fulfilled this goal by working as a content developer at a
Silicon Alley web start-up for two years. The experience has been both enjoyable
and invaluable -- to the point where colleagues glance at me with a puzzled look
when I tell them I am leaving the job to return to school. In fact, my
willingness to leave such a dynamic, high-paying job to pursue my passion for
literature only reflects my keen determination to continue along the academic
path.
Through a Masters program, I plan to
further explore the issues I confronted during my undergraduate years by
integrating the study of social, cultural, and linguistic anthropology into the
realm of literature. I believe that, by adopting tools used in such disciplines,
methods of inquiry can be formulated that allow for the interpretation of works
that are both technically sound and sociologically insightful. Thus far, my
studies have concentrated largely on African and Caribbean literatures, and I am
particularly interested in studying these geographic areas in more specific
historical and cultural contexts. I also seek to increase my knowledge of
African languages, which will allow me to study the lingering cultural impact of
colonialism in modern-day African literature. Eventually, I would like to secure
an academic post in a Comparative Literature department, devoting myself to both
research and teaching at the college level.
I believe the Modern Thought and
Literature program at NAME is uniquely equipped to guide me toward these
objectives. While searching for a graduate school that would accommodate my
interdisciplinary approach, I was thrilled to find a program that approaches
world literature with a cross-disciplinary focus, recognizing that the written
word has the potential to be an entry point for social and cultural inquiry.
The level of scholarly research
produced by the department also attracts me. Akhil Gupta's "Culture, Power,
Place", for instance, was one of my first and most influential experiences
with the field of cultural anthropology. Professor Gupta's analysis of the
local, national, and foreign realms, achieved through a discussion of
post-colonial displacement and mixed identifications, has led me to believe that
-- given the complexity of modern societies -- comparative literature's focus on
borders (national and linguistic) has been excessively arbitrary. Even more
significant is the accurate rendering of individually-lived realities that may
then be synthesized with other experiences. I believe that I could greatly
benefit from Professor Gupta's teaching and guidance in applying these ideas to
the literary arena, and I believe that his work is representative of the
rigorous yet creative approach I would pursue upon joining the department.
Why
Qualified? Essay
Ever since my first psychology
lecture, I have been fascinated by the nature of human memory. Indeed, human
memory is one of the most tenacious and enigmatic problems ever faced by
philosophers and psychologists. The discussion of memory dates back to the early
Greeks when Plato and Aristotle originally likened it to a "wax
tablet." In 1890, pioneer William James adopted the metaphorical framework
and equated memory to a "house" to which thirty years later Sigmund
Freud chimed that memory was closer to "rooms in a house." In 1968,
Atkinson and Shrifren retained the metaphorical framework but referred to memory
as "stores". The fact that the controversy surrounding human memory
has been marked more by analogy than definition suggests, however, that memory
is a far more complex phenomenon than has been uncovered thus far. I intend to
spend the rest of my professional life researching the nature of human memory
and solving the riddle posed yet cunningly dodged by generations of philosophers
and psychologists.
When I first came to psychology,
however, I wanted to be a clinical psychologist. Only upon enrolling in Dr.
Helga Noice's Cognitive Psychology course, did I discover the excitement of
doing research. The course required us to test our own autobiographical memory
by conducting an experiment similar to the one run in 1986 by W. Wagenaar. Over
the course of the term, I recorded events from my personal life on event cards
and set them aside without reviewing them. After studying the effect serial
position on the recollection of autobiographical memories, I hypothesized that
events that, when I sat down at the end of therm to recall those same events I
had described on the event cards, that events that had occurred later in the
term would be recalled with greater frequency than events that had occurred
earlier. Although the experiment was of simple design and predictable results, I
found the processes incredibly exciting. Autobiographical memory in particular
fascinated me because I realized how crucial, yet fragile, memory is. Why was my
memory of even ten weeks so imperfect? What factors contributed to that
imperfection? Could such factors be controlled?
I had ignited my passion for
experimental psychology. Suddenly, I had many pressing questions about memory
that I wanted to research. Under the guidance of Dr. Noice, I continued to study
human memory. I worked closely with Dr. Noice on several research experiments
involving expert memory, specifically the memory of professional actors. Dr.
Noice would select a scene from a play and then a professional actor would score
it for beats, that is, go through the scene grouping sections of dialogue
together according to the intent of the character. Some actors use this method
to learn dialogue rather than rote memorization. After they were finished, I
would type up the scene and the cued recall test. Next, I would moderate the
experimental sessions by scoring the actor's cued recall for accuracy and then
helping with the statistical analysis. My work culminated with my paper,
"Teaching Students to Remember Complex Material Through the Use of
Professional Actors' Learning Strategies." My paper accompanied a poster
presentation at the Third Annual Tri-State Undergraduate Psychology Conference.
In addition, I presented a related paper entitled "Type of Learning
Strategy and Verbatim Retention of Complex Material" at the ILLOWA
(Illinois-Iowa) Conference the following year. Again, I was involved in all
aspects of the experiment, from typing the protocol and administering it to the
subjects to analyzing the data and finally presenting my results.
The opportunity to perform this
research was invaluable, particularly as I began taking independent research
seminars in my senior year. For the seminars, I was required to write an
extensive review of the literature and then design a research proposal on any
topic of my choice. Although I had participated in all aspects of research
previously, this was my first opportunity to select my own topic. I was
immediately certain that I wanted to explore at human memory. But I spent a long
time considering what aspect of memory I found most intriguing and possible to
tackle within the confines of the research seminar. I had always been interested
in the legal implications of memory, so I to investigate eyewitness memory.
In retrospect, my choice was also
informed by my recollection about an experiment I had read about several years
earlier. In the experiment, subjects read about Helen Keller. Later they were
given a recall test. Still later they were given an additional test to determine
the source of their knowledge about Helen Keller. The authors discovered that
subjects could not determine the source of their knowledge, that is, they could
not distinguish whether specific details of their knowledge about Helen Keller
came from the information provided by the experimenters or if the details came
from another source at an earlier time. Once their new knowledge about Helen
Keller had been assimilated into their previous knowledge about Helen Keller,
there was no way to separate the information according to the source it came
from.
I wondered what the implications of
that conclusion would be for eyewitnesses. I wondered if an eyewitness account
could be corrupted by misleading post-event information. My research proposal
was entitled "The Rate of Memory Trace Decay and its Effect on Eyewitness
Accuracy." While I was not able to complete the experiment in its entirety,
I was excited by the fact that I created a possible research protocol.
Immediately, I knew I wanted to pursue the field of experimental psychology. My
success in course work and my passion for research demonstrated to me that I had
both the interest and ability to enter this challenging and rewording field.
I have dedicated my undergraduate
years to preparing myself for graduate work in experimental psychology. Once
receive my doctorate, I intend to pursue research on human memory while teaching
psychology to undergraduates at a small, liberal arts college, similar to the
one I attended. It was, after all, my undergraduate research experience that
gave me the opportunity to come to psychology with an interest in counseling
people, but to leave with a passion for investigating the nature of human
thinking. Undergraduates at smaller liberal arts colleges are often left out of
research, which makes my desire to provide such experiences that much stronger.
In the years ahead, I look forward to teaching as well as continuing my
research. In the company of such greats as Aristotle, James, and Freud, I
endeavor to leave behind my own contribution on the nature of human memory.
Why
Qualified? Essay Two
"To be nobody
but yourself--in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you
everybody else--means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can
fight; and never stop fighting." When I first read this passage by E.E.
Cummings, I realized I have been fighting the same battle my whole life. When
choosing the direction for my future, I have often accepted jobs based on a
compromise between my own dreams and what others thought my dreams should be.
This, of course, has led to an unfulfilling career.
Looking back, I
always knew that I wanted to work in public service; but I also knew my
staunchly conservative father would not be pleased. To him, the government is
too big, too intrusive and too wasteful. I see things differently. And yet, his
approval means a lot to me and his opinion has certainly influenced my the
direction of my career. But I have finally come to understand that I must pursue
my own path. After careful deliberation, I am confident that public service is,
without a doubt, the right career for me.
Ever since my
childhood I have detected in myself a certain compassion and innate desire to
help others. I was the kid that dragged in every stray cat or dog I came
across--and I still do. When I was eight years old, I rescued a rat from my
sister's psychology lab and brought her home. I even coaxed my father into
taking Alice--I called her Alice--to the vet when she became ill. But aside from
my humanitarian kindness to animals, as a child I learned first-hand about
America's need to reform and improve medical care. I spent years of my childhood
on crutches and in hospitals because of a tumor that hindered the growth of my
leg. Without adequate health insurance and proper care, I might still be on
crutches, but I was fortunate. Today, as a public servant, I still desire to
help others who are not so fortunate. Providing health care to 44 million
uninsured Americans, while keeping insurance affordable, is one of the most
difficult challenges facing policymakers. I want to work in state or local
government to resolve this health care crisis and ensure that the disadvantaged
get the care they need and deserve.
In order to
succeed in my endeavors toward public service, I now realize that a master's
degree in public policy is essential. But when I graduated from college in 1990,
I didn't know how to continue my education, only that I should. For a while, I
considered such options as law school or international relations, but I always
returned to my desire to impact public life. My career in public policy began as
a legislative assistant at the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC), a
non-profit educational organization that couples voices from the state
legislature and the private sector to work on salient policy issues. My
enthusiasm for ALEC's mission was evident, as I quickly moved up from
legislative assistant to the director of two task forces. As manager of ALEC's
task force on federalism and its tax and fiscal policy task force, I explored
these issues thoroughly, never quite satiating my appetite for more information
and knowledge. I found my integral role in the legislative process to be the
most valuable and worthwhile experience I've had in my career to date.
Following ALEC, I
took a position as a junior lobbyist for the Automotive Parts and Accessories
Association (APAA). As a lobbyist, I voiced the APAA's concern over regulatory
and environmental issues affecting the automotive aftermarket. Although I was
able to help small automotive parts manufacturers battle the "Big
Three" automakers, I quickly realized that being an advocate for the
automotive aftermarket was not my calling in life. I wanted to promote policies
which had the potential to improve life for the greater public, for I could not
see myself spending a lifetime working within an isolated industry.
With that frame of
mind, I accepted employment as a policy analyst in the National Federation of
Independent Business (NFIB) research department in Washington, D.C. Helping
small business owners is a cause close to my heart. For nearly 30 years, my
family has owned a barbecue restaurant in the Washington, D.C. area. I've worked
in the business at several different times, since the age of 14. Because of my
involvement in my family's business, I understand the unique problems facing
small business owners. At the NFIB, I valued my contributions because I know
small businesses have a huge economic impact on our country and they are
unquestionably an important constituency. Nevertheless, I felt uncomfortable
working for a special interest group--even for one I deeply cared about.
From my
experiences at the APAA and the NFIB, I have learned how I want to shape my
future. My goals are now clear: I want to develop and advocate policy decisions
that will benefit society as a whole, not just a few influential special
interest groups. I want to uncover the objective truth of issues and tackle them
in the best interests of the nation, not distort the facts for the benefit of a
small group. I know I am able to look beyond partisan politics to solve problems
for this country. Because of these unbending desires to reveal truth and to
remain committed to fair and equal advancement for all citizens, I think of
myself as an ideal candidate for public service.
Additionally, I
consider my active interest in politics to aid my pursuit of a career in public
policy. I've always found my interest in politics exceptional, ever since my
college roommates used to tease me for faithfully watching C-SPAN. However, my
faith in the political process began to wane as I witnessed sensible public
policy proposals torn apart by partisan conflict. I saw advocacy groups distort
facts, and provide extreme, over-blown examples, jeopardizing prudent policy
decisions. I observed how powerful elected officials, ensnared in their own
partisan rancor, would block fair and balanced legislation which offered the
most practical solution for their constituents. But I also encountered many
thoughtful and wise people who devote their lives to public service. These
devoted individuals inspired me. Like them, I want to be actively involved in
the design and delivery of essential government services that improve the lives
of the citizens in our society today. I am positive that by avoiding
partisanship and urging the private industry, the public sector and non-profit
groups to collaborate, many difficult problems can be resolved.
In order to be an
effective public servant, I recognize the indispensability of an advanced
degree. I've gained a lot of "real world" experience, but I need more
training in the fundamentals of economics and statistics, as well as direction
in sharpening my analytical and quantitative skills. I also want to devote time
to studying the ethical dimensions of policy decisions. In graduate school, I'll
have the opportunity to truly understand and appreciate the competing interests
surrounding so many complex issues like health care reform, environmental
protection and economic policy.
I've chosen Duke's
public policy program for several reasons. Duke's program stands out because
there is an emphasis on quantitative and analytical skills, which are so
critical to policy analysis. As I mentioned, I feel that if I can strengthen my
ability to approach problems logically and systematically, I will have succeeded
in sharpening skills I consider necessary to succeed in the public realm. And
possibly even more importantly, Duke's program bridges the gap between abstract
principles and reality. This interdisciplinary approach is essential for
responding to today's policy problems. I am excited by the possibility of
combining the MPP program with the Health Policy Certificate Program. I am
particularly interested in studying the problem of reforming state health to
reduce the number of uninsured, and I believe Duke's curriculum will offer me a
chance to do just that. From my own research into Duke, I feel confident in my
knowledge of the public policy program and its potential to teach me. And after
meeting with Helen Ladd, the Director of Graduate Studies, I'm even more
convinced that Duke's program is right for me.
On the road
"to be nobody but" myself, I've encountered twists and turns, and some
detours--it is unquestionably the hardest battle I could fight. However, in the
process, I've accumulated a tremendous amount of valuable experience and
knowledge. My diversity of experience is my biggest asset. Because I can relate
a Duke education to concrete examples from my own past, it is the perfect time
for me to join the public policy program. I know that my past can be used to
prepare myself for the promises of the future. At Duke, I hope to synthesize the
two and truly learn what it means to become myself.
Why
Unique? Essay One
Perhaps the most important influence
that has shaped the person I am today is my upbringing in a traditional
family-oriented Persian and Zoroastrian culture. My family has been an important
source of support in all of the decisions I have made, and Zoroastrianism's
three basic tenets-good words, good deeds, and good thoughts-have been my
guiding principles in life. Not only do I try to do things for others, but I
always push myself to be the best that I can be in all aspects of my life. I saw
early the doors and opportunities that a good education can open up; thus, I
particularly tried hard to do well in school.
Another important experience that
has had a large influence on me the past few years has been college. Going from
high school to college was a significant change. College required a major
overhaul of my time-management techniques as the number of things to do
mushroomed. In high school, I was in the honors program, with the same cohort of
students in all my classes. Thus, I was exposed little to people very different
from myself. College, on the other hand, is full of diversity. I have people of
all backgrounds and abilities in my classes, and I have been fortunate enough to
meet quite a few of them. This experience has made me more tolerant of
differences. Furthermore, a variety of classes such as the Humanities Core
Course, in which we specifically studied differences in race, gender, and belief
systems, have liberalized my world view.
My undergraduate research has
occupied a large portion of my time in college. Along with this experience have
come knowledge and skills that could never be gained in the classroom. I have
gained a better appreciation for the medical discoverers and discoveries of the
past and the years of frustration endured and satisfaction enjoyed by
scientists. I have also learned to deal better with the disappointments and
frustrations that result when things do not always go as one expects them to. My
research experience was also important to me in that it broadened my view of the
medical field. Research permitted me to meet a few medical doctors who have
clinical practices and yet are able to conduct research at the university. This
has made me seriously consider combining research with a clinical practice in my
own career.
From my earliest memories, I can
always remember being interested in meteorology. I believe that this interest
sparked my love for the outdoors, while my interest in medicine molded my desire
for healthy living. As a result of these two influences, I try to follow an
active exercise routine taking place mostly in the outdoors. I enjoy running and
mountain biking in the local hills and mountains, along with hiking and
backpacking. All of these activities have made me concerned about the
environment and my place in it.
Why
Unique? Essay Two
My longtime fascination with
politics and international affairs is reflected in my participation, starting in
high school, in activities such as student council, school board meetings,
Vietnam war protests, the McCarthy campaign, and the grape boycott. As each new
cause came along, I was always ready to go to Washington or the state capital to
wave a sign or chant slogans. Although I look back on these activities today
with some chagrin, I realize they did help me to develop, at an early age, a
sense of concern for social and political issues and a genuine desire to play a
role.
As an undergraduate, I was more
interested in social than academic development. During my last two years, I
became involved with drugs and alcohol and devoted little time to my studies,
doing only as much as was necessary to maintain a B average. After graduation my
drug use became progressively worse; without the motivation or ability to look
for a career job, I worked for a time in a factory and then, for three years, as
a cab driver in New York City.
In 1980 I finally ''hit bottom'' and
became willing to accept help. I joined both Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics
Anonymous, and for the next several years the primary business of my life was
recovery. Although I had several ''slips'' in the beginning, I have now enjoyed
nearly seven years of complete freedom from drug and alcohol use. I mention my
bout with addiction because I think it is important in answering two issues that
presumably will be of concern to the admissions committee: my lackluster
undergraduate record and the fact that I have waited until the age of 34 to
begin preparing academically for a career in public policy. It would be an
oversimplification to call addiction the cause for either of these things;
rather I would say it was the most obvious manifestation of an underlying
immaturity that characterized my post adolescent years. More importantly, the
discipline of recovery has had a significant impact on my overall emotional
growth.
During the last years of my
addiction I was completely oblivious to the world around me. Until 1983 I didn't
even realize that there had been a revolution in Nicaragua or that one was going
on in El Salvador. Then I rejoined the Quaker Meeting, in which I had been
raised as a child, and quickly gravitated to its Peace and Social Order
Committee. They were just then initiating a project to help refugees from
Central America, and I joined enthusiastically in the work. I began reading
about Central America and, later, teaching myself Spanish. I got to know
refugees who were victims of poverty and oppression, became more grateful for my
own economic and educational advantages, and developed a strong desire to give
something back by working to provide opportunities to those who have not been so
lucky.
In 1986 I went to Nicaragua to pick
coffee for two weeks. This trip changed my whole outlook on both the United
States and the underdeveloped world. The combination of living for two weeks
amid poverty and engaging in long political discussions with my fellow coffee
pickers, including several well-educated professionals who held views
significantly to the left of mine, profoundly shook my world view. I came back
humbled, aware of how little I knew about the world and eager to learn more. I
began raiding the public library for everything I could find on the Third World
and started subscribing to a wide variety of periodicals, from scholarly
journals such as Foreign Affairs and Asian Survey to obscure newsletters such as
Through Our Eyes (published by U.S. citizens living in Nicaragua).
Over the intervening two years, my
interest has gradually focused on economics. I have come to realize that
economic development (including equitable distribution of wealth) is the key to
peace and social justice, both at home and in the Third World. I didn't study
economics in college and have found it difficult to understand the economic
issues that are at the heart of many policy decisions. At the same time, though,
I am fascinated by the subject. Given my belief that basic economic needs are
among the most fundamental of human rights, how can society best go about
providing for them? Although I call myself an idealist, I'm convinced that true
idealism must be pragmatic. I am not impressed, for example, by simplistic
formulations that require people to be better than they are. As a Quaker I
believe that the means are inseparable from the end; as an American I believe
that democracy and freedom of expression are essential elements of a just
society, though I'm not wedded to the idea that our version of democracy is the
only legitimate one.
Although I have carved out a
comfortable niche in my present job, with a responsible position and a good
salary, I have become increasingly dissatisfied with the prospect of a career in
business applications programming. More and more of my time and energy is now
being absorbed by community activities. After getting my master's in public
administration, I would like to work in the area of economic development in the
Third World, particularly Latin America. The setting might be a private
(possibly church-based) development agency, the UN, the OAS, one of the
multilateral development banks, or a government agency. What I need from
graduate school is the academic foundation for such a career. What I offer in
return is a perspective that comes from significant involvement in policy issues
at the grass roots level, where they originate and ultimately must be resolved.
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Medical School
Content provided by EssayEdge.com.
Put Harvard-Educated Editors to Work for You!
Medical School Personal Statement
Secrets
EssayEdge.com contains thousands of pages of free admissions essay advice by
Harvard-educated editors.
Medical school admissions officers
will often emphasize that they don't care what you choose to write about in your
essay. They stress this because most writers try too hard to meet the
expectations of their imagined readers, discarding all of their own personality
in the process. Of course, there's truth in their advice: you should write with
the goal of expressing your own values and conveying the qualities most
important to you. But you must exercise your creativity with an eye toward the
themes and points that will justify your suitability for medicine. After all,
your ultimate goal is not just to stand out as a likeable person, but to obtain
admission to a medical school.
In addition to the challenge of
crafting a fresh take on standard ideas, you face the difficulty of integrating
multiple sophisticated themes into a single coherent piece. The themes can be
grouped into two basic categories: those that speak to your motivation for
becoming a doctor and those that demonstrate the characteristics and abilities
that qualify you for the profession.
As the founder of EssayEdge.com, the
Net's largest admissions essay prep company, I have seen firsthand the
difference a well-written application essay can make. Through its free online
admissions essay help course and 300 Harvard-educated editors, EssayEdge.com
helps tens of thousands of student each year improve their essays and gain
admission to medical schools ranging from Harvard to State U.
Having personally edited over 2,000
admissions essays myself for EssayEdge.com, I have written this article to help
you avoid the most common essay flaws. If you remember nothing else about this
article, remember this: Be Interesting. Be Concise.
Why Medicine?
Because people don't usually make
career decisions based on pure reason, it can be difficult to explain why you've
chosen the field you have. Moreover, your basic reasons probably look a lot like
everyone else's. In this type of essay, you'll have to develop your ideas
effectively and insightfully while emphasizing your uniqueness.
Medicine requires such a serious
commitment that few people stumble across the idea of pursuing it late in life.
It's very likely that you have always wanted to be a doctor, and that's not a
fact that you should hide. But don't offer your point in such a clichéd,
prepackaged way as to make your reader cringe. For example, you shouldn't start
your essay, "I have always wanted to be a doctor" or "I've always
known that medicine was my calling." Better to describe early experiences
and then let your interest unfold naturally.
Describing the direct impact a
doctor had on your life or the life of someone close to you can be an effective
way to demonstrate what draws you to medicine. A twist on the "patient's
perspective" approach is to describe a time when medicine failed to save or
heal someone close to you. The purpose of this tactic would not be to rail
against the medical profession, of course, but rather to show how a
disappointing loss inspired you to join the struggle against disease and
sickness.
How Are You Qualified?
The way to prove your qualification
is not to list attributes you believe you possess but to discuss concrete
experiences that show your abilities and qualities. As always, details are
paramount. The rest of your application has already summarized your
accomplishments and your activities. Show the reader what you did in concrete
terms, and again, highlight your active roles.
The experiences that demonstrate
your qualification are not necessarily distinct from those that explain your
motivation. You shouldn't plan on dividing the essay into two separate sections
for each, but rather organize the structure by topic and extrapolate insights as
they develop. It's important that you think of the essay as an integrated whole,
not as a checklist of questions you must answer.
Some degree of hospital experience
is usually expected, though it's more essential to the "testing your
interest" aspect we discussed in the last section of the course than to
your qualifications. The main point you're trying to convey here is that you
will work well with patients and in a clinical setting. Your shadowing
experience might overlap this material, but the emphasis here is on what you
learned through observation.
A strong research background helps
your case, because the laboratory is such an integral part of the medical school
experience. It's not possible to prove your intellectual capability through a
short description of your projects, so you should try to convey such intangible
qualities as creativity, initiative, and original thinking. Focus on your
contribution rather than your research topic. For example, you could describe a
situation where you recognized a flaw in a procedure and had the initiative to
show your supervisor how efficiency could be improved. No matter how minor your
contribution seems, it's better to focus on some tangible input that you had
than to describe the project as a whole. As always, the key is to delineate your
active role.
TOP 10 MEDICAL SCHOOL PERSONAL
STATEMENT WRITING TIPS
1. Don't Resort to Clichés.
Every year, medical school admissions officers read thousands of variations of
this sentence: "I want to be a doctor so I can help people." It's
undoubtedly true in most instances, yet it inevitably fails because it reveals
nothing unique about the individual applicant. If you demonstrate a penchant for
helping others by describing specific activities--community service, for
example--it will become unnecessary to declare that desire, as it will already
be clear. Every doctor helps people, so focus on the specific actions you have
taken.
2. Don't Bore the Reader.
Do Be Interesting.
Admissions officers have to read hundreds of essays, and they must often skim.
Abstract rumination has no place in an application essay. Admissions officers
aren't looking for a new way to view the world; they're looking for a new way to
view you, the applicant. The best way to grip your reader is to begin the essay
with a captivating snapshot. Notice how the blunt, jarring "after"
sentence creates intrigue and keeps the reader's interest.
Before: I am a
compilation of many years of experiences gained from overcoming the relentless
struggles of life.
After: I was six years old, the eldest of six children in the Bronx,
when my father was murdered.
3. Do Use Personal Detail.
Show, Don't Tell!
Good essays are concrete and grounded in personal detail. They do not merely
assert "I learned my lesson" or that "these lessons are useful
both on and off the field." They show it through personal detail.
"Show, don't tell" means that if you want to relate a personal
quality, do so through your experiences without merely asserting it.
Before: If it were
not for a strong support system which instilled into me strong family values
and morals, I would not be where I am today.
After: Although my grandmother and I didn't have a car or running
water, we still lived far more comfortably than did the other families I knew.
I learned an important lesson: My grandmother made the most of what little she
had, and she was known and respected for her generosity. Even at that age, I
recognized the value she placed on maximizing her resources and helping those
around her.
The first example is vague and could
have been written by anybody. But the second sentence evokes a vivid image of
something that actually happened, placing the reader in the experience of the
applicant.
4. Do Be Concise. Don't Be
Wordy.
Wordiness not only takes up valuable space, but also confuses the important
ideas you're trying to convey. Short sentences are more forceful because they
are direct and to the point. Certain phrases, such as "the fact that,"
are usually unnecessary. Notice how the revised version focuses on active verbs
rather than forms of "to be" and adverbs and adjectives.
Before: My
recognition of the fact that we had finally completed the research project was
a deeply satisfying moment that will forever linger in my memory.
After: Completing the research project at last gave me an enduring
sense of fulfillment.
5. Do Address Your
Weaknesses. Don't Dwell on Them.
At some point on your application, you will have an opportunity to explain
deficiencies in your record, and you should take advantage of it. Be sure to
explain them adequately: Staying up late the night before the MCAT is not a
legitimate reason for a bad performance, while documented sickness could be. If
you lack volunteer hospital experience, you might point out the number of hours
you had to work to make college more affordable for your family. The best tactic
is to spin the negatives into positives by stressing your attempts to improve;
for example, mention your poor first-quarter grades briefly, then describe what
you did to bring them up.
6. Do Vary Your Sentences and Use Transitions.
The best essays contain a variety of sentence lengths mixed within any given
paragraph. Also, remember that transition is not limited to words like
nevertheless, furthermore or consequently. Good transition flows from the
natural thought progression of your argument.
Before: I started
playing piano when I was eight years old. I worked hard to learn difficult
pieces. I began to love music.
After: I started playing the piano at the age of eight. As I learned to
play more difficult pieces, my appreciation for music deepened.
7. Do Use Active Voice
Verbs,
Passive-voice expressions are verb phrases in which the subject receives the
action expressed in the verb. Passive voice employs a form of the word to be,
such as was or were. Overuse of the passive voice makes prose seem flat and
uninteresting.
Before: The lessons
that have prepared me for my career as a doctor were taught to me by my
mother.
After: My mother taught me lessons that will prove invaluable in my
career as a doctor.
8. Do Seek Multiple
Opinions.
Ask your friends and family to keep these questions in mind:
-
Does my essay have one central
theme?
-
Does my introduction engage the
reader? Does my conclusion provide closure?
-
Do my introduction and
conclusion avoid summary?
-
Do I use concrete experiences as
supporting details?
-
Have I used active-voice verbs
wherever possible?
-
Is my sentence structure varied,
or do I use all long or short sentences?
-
Are there any clichés, such as
"cutting-edge" or "learned my lesson"?
-
Do I use transitions
appropriately?
-
What about the essay is
memorable?
-
What's the worst part of the
essay?
-
What parts of the essay need
elaboration or are unclear?
-
What parts of the essay do not
support my main argument?
-
Is every single sentence crucial
to the essay? This must be the case.
-
What does the essay reveal about
my personality?
9. Don't Wander. Do Stay
Focused.
Many applicants try to turn the personal statement into a complete
autobiography. Not surprisingly, they find it difficult to pack so much
information into such a short essay, and their essays end up sounding more like
a list of experiences than a coherent, well-organized thought. Make sure that
every sentence in your essay exists solely to support one central theme.
10. Do Revise, Revise,
Revise.
The first step in an improving any essay is to cut, cut, and cut some more.
EssayEdge.com's free admissions essay help course and Harvard-educated editors
will be invaluable as you polish your essay to perfection. The EssayEdge.com
free help course guides you through the entire essay-writing process, from
brainstorming worksheets and question-specific strategies for the twelve most
common essay topics to a description of ten introduction types and editing
checklists.
SAMPLE ESSAY
His eyesight was almost completely
gone, yet there he was on the diamond. I met Jason last summer in Chicago, where
I volunteered at a tournament for Beep Baseball, a baseball-like sport for the
visually impaired. He was my age--handsome, friendly, and athletic. But Jason
was blind. Struck by glaucoma, he had begun to lose his vision in his early
teens. By high school, he had become legally blind. My sympathy only intensified
when I learned that, had his disease been diagnosed earlier, he almost surely
would have retained partial vision. Financially strapped, Jason's family had
avoided taking him to a doctor for as long as they could; when he finally
visited a physician, it was too late. For years I had planned to work in
technology, but my encounters with Jason and others like him convinced me that
medicine is my true calling.
Actually, growing up I had always
planned to become a doctor, but my goals changed as I began to take computer
science classes at [COLLEGE NAME]. In the first meeting of my sophomore-year
class on Programming in Artificial Intelligence, Professor B joked, "You
know those movies where killer robots eventually take over the world? Believe
them." I did just that, placing my trust in the vast opportunities offered
by computer programming. In my first computer course, I created applications
that could beat a human in tic-tac-toe, calculate complex mathematical problems,
and even converse with humans on a specified topic. Fascinated with the
potential of these programs, I embarked on a different path, away from clinical
medicine. I saw a world in which computers would change and even replace
processes in every industry, and I wanted to join the researchers at the
forefront of this revolution.
Five years after that first class,
the potential contribution of computer technology still inspires me. The
possibilities are astounding. Scientists mapped the human genome years before
their original deadline. Nanotechnology promises to revolutionize the way we
detect and cure diseases. Still, the more I learn about technology, the more I
recognize its inadequacies. Although the "psychologist" program I
created faithfully reproduces human responses, I discovered that I would never
want to speak with a computer about my problems. Certain interactions simply
demand personal contact. As I have tutored underclassmen in math and science,
worked with athletes in the Special Olympics, and visited with patients as a
volunteer at Northwest Community Hospital, I have realized that the human
element in such relationships is irreplaceable. While technology may shape the
future of mankind, only humanity can touch individual lives.
Jason's story touched mine,
confirming my growing sense of the deficiencies in science and technology.
Advances in medical knowledge and techniques are useless without parallel
progress in healthcare accessibility, widespread education about health issues,
and most importantly, strong doctor-patient relationships. The revolutionary
treatment methods I imagined myself inventing might never have an impact on
patients like Jason. On the other hand, the dedication of just a few volunteers
allowed him to play the sport he had always loved. Science could not fix Jason's
eyesight, but supportive doctors, volunteers, and friends could help him live a
fulfilling life. Spending time with him and others convinced me that, in
addition to my research in medical science and technology, I wanted to work
directly with those whose ailments cannot currently be cured.
I have thus circled back to my
original path towards medicine, with no regrets about the scenic route that led
me here. Indeed, I am confident that I will make good use of my computer science
skills as I research potential advancements in medical technology. This summer,
I began work as a research assistant to Dr. C at Northwestern's Buehler Center
on Aging. With Dr. C, I am developing a computer program that determines the
"quality of life" of terminally ill patients. By compiling physician
diagnostics and patient responses to questionnaires, the system assesses the
value of given treatments as well as the efficacy of specific pharmaceuticals.
Through this project, we hope to understand and improve the current care of the
terminally ill. After watching Dr. C and other doctors at the medical research
facility, I can now declare with confidence that I want to follow their example
in my own career, combining clinical practice and research.
My work on the "quality of
life" evaluation project gave me a perfect opportunity to fulfill this dual
goal, and I look forward to a lifetime spent on similar pursuits. Yet I will
never forget that the seeds of my current ambition arose not in the laboratory
or at the health center, but on a baseball diamond filled with people playing a
game they likely thought they would never play again. In my own career as a
physician, I will strive to serve my patients not only as a healer, but also as
a friend, supporting them in their toughest moments, and as a mentor, guiding
them to live healthy lifestyles. Robots may assist in my endeavors, but they
will never possess the compassion of my fellow physicians and me.
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Law School
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Law School Statement Samples
This section
contains two essays:
Why
Law? Essay
My interest in the law began with
donuts. As a child, I developed early persuasive skills during family
disagreements on how to divide boxes of the treats. My parents belonged to the
"biggest people deserve the most donuts" school of thought; while as
the youngest family member, I was a devout believer in the "one person, one
donut" principle. The debates were often cutthroat, but when it came to
donut distribution, I sought justice at any cost.
As my family grew older and more
health-conscious, we stopped eating donuts, and for many years I forgot our
childhood debates. However, some recent life decisions have brought to mind
those early explorations of justice. When I
first arrived at the American International School of Rotterdam, I quickly
learned that my colleagues were a diverse and talented group of people. Unsure
of how to establish my own place among them, I tried phrases that had always
worked to impress college friends. "When I work for the UN . . . ," I
told the second-grade teacher, and she answered with an erudite discussion of
the problems she faced as a consultant for that organization. I told the
kindergarten teacher, "When I'm in law school . . . ," only to hear
about his own experiences in law school. By the time I discovered that even many
grade-school students were better travelled than I, I learned to keep my mouth
shut!
Living alone in a new country,
removed from familiar personal and cultural clues to my identity and faced with
these extraordinary co-workers, I started to feel meaningless. How, I wondered,
could I possibly make a difference in a place as vast as our planet? To my own
surprise, I found that answer at church. Although I was raised in the Bahá'í
Faith, I have only recently understood the essential place that religion plays
in my identity. Bahá'í social beliefs include the need to work against extreme
poverty, nationalism, and prejudice; and I now realize that I cannot hold those
beliefs without doing something about them. My identity rests on these
convictions; I cannot see the need for help and just move on. I have to help;
it's who I am.
The lessons I've learned from my
international colleagues have channeled my desire for service into the field of
international development. I still wish to fight the "'Biggest Get the
Most' Theory of Donut Distribution," but now on an international scale.
Uniqueness
Essay
Once in a while I am approached by
past research associates who heard that I "got out," as several of
them put it, and who want to know how I handled the switch. Some of them have no
idea that people with science backgrounds have options other than research and
teaching, and many are discouraged by the thought that they would have to leave
their beloved science in other to engage in those activities. Several of them
have called me from home to ask these questions, for fear of being overheard at
the laboratory.
The first thing I tell them is that
there is far more to science than the "bench." I myself entered the
science field as an undergraduate, when I chose to study veterinary microbial
genetics. I worked in the laboratory of Dr. William Sischo, an epidemiologist
who specialized in number-crunching but who needed technical assistance with
field sampling and laboratory work to generate the data. Dr. Sischo instilled in
me a strong desire to learn about and experiment in genetics. I was fascinated
by the many ways genetics can be used to help understand how or why certain
biological functions occur, and I wondered how I could use my knowledge of
genetics to benefit society.
After I obtained my bachelor of
science degree, I went on to graduate school earning a master of science degree
part-time while working full-time jobs in a couple of well-establish research
institutions. I enjoyed both graduate school and working in the laboratory. I
also learned the "correct" career path-an academic position at a
respectable research university-was what we were supposed to want out of life.
More specifically, academic laboratories were acceptable, but working in
industry, even to do research, was generally looked upon as "selling
out." I believe this attitude has relaxed somewhat since then, since grants
and jobs have become harder to secure and tenured positions lack the security
they once possessed.
It was during my graduate studies
that I began to question my goals and the assumptions they were based on. I was
becoming increasingly unhappy with the direction my career was heading, and I
began to question my abilities and motivation. Finally, when I heard myself
mutter out loud "I don't want to do bench work forever," I sat up and
took notice. I decided that in spite of my training, and even though I still
loved science, research was not right for me.
I wanted a career, or at least a job
for starters, that valued my graduate degree and training, and that was a better
fit for my skills and future ambitions. I decided I would do best with a job
that was externally driven either by deadlines or by the needs of others; in
addition, I wanted to talk, write, and/or evaluate science as a whole rather
than focus on one particular aspect of a research project.
As a molecular geneticist, I had
occasionally interacted with the patent department at SmithKline Beecham
Pharmaceuticals in support of my supervisor's patent applications. They worked
on a variety of intellectual property issues in a number of scientific
disciplines that were of interest to the company. I realized then that I could
make very good use of my science background as a patent attorney.
Earlier this year, I accepted an
offer to work as a patent agent in the Corporate Intellectual Properties
Department at SmithKline Beecham. The job involves writing and prosecuting
patent applications, which in turn requires broad knowledge of both science and
law. I soon realized that, in order to become an effective patent practitioner,
I must become intimately acquainted with U.S. patent law. Because SmithKline
Beecham is an international corporation, I have also learned a great deal about
international patent law so that I can assist in foreign prosecution of
SmithKline Beecham's patents. When I first started the job, it occurred to me
that my learning curve was a cliff with an overhang, and I was at the bottom
looking up.
I was extremely lucky to find a job
almost immediately following graduation last January. However, this opportunity
was not trouble-free; there were additional risks to consider at the time I made
the decision to change. Our company was in the middle of negotiations to merge
with another international pharmaceutical company, GlaxoWellcome
Pharmaceuticals. As details of the merger were released, we were informed that
the majority of the money saved in the merger was going to be invested back into
research and discovery. In other words, because of the patent applications that
I draft and prosecute, my job as a patent agent will play an essential role in
the inventive process in the new company. Daily interaction with inventors keeps
me up-to-date with cutting-edge technology in the biotechnology field. As my
work progressed, I knew I had made the right decision, and I have never looked
back.
In October, I took the complex
patent bar examination. My determination to take the examination straight away
was derived from my desire to become a registered patent agent before entering
law school, so that my academic studies will not suffer while I attempt to
balance a career and my education. I am now hoping to complete the career
transition over the next four years by attending law school at Villanova
University and becoming a patent attorney. A few weeks ago, I was offered the
opportunity to move to our new research facility in North Carolina, but declined
the offer in hopes of attending Villanova's law program, which is well respected
among the various pharmaceutical companies on the East Coast for its
intellectual property education.
Intellectual property is a crucial
asset to our company, and I take generating and protecting these assets very
seriously. A considerable part of my job involves "translating"
science for attorneys and patent law for scientists. I also have to be able to
understand a new result quickly enough to grasp what the specific invention is
and ask further questions which allow me to distill the invention down to its
bare essence. Organization is also key-this is something I learned as a matter
of self-preservation, since this is a deadline-driven, and sometimes
crisis-driven, job.
I now believe that my job as a
patent agent is not a break with the past; rather, it is an exciting,
alternative continuation of my career as a scientist. The patent applications
that I draft and prosecute make me a critical part of the inventive process at
SmithKline Beecham. Furthermore, my interactions with inventors on a daily basis
keep me up to date with the latest technology. Not so long ago, when I began
research as an undergraduate, I wondered what impact I would have on the
development of new scientific knowledge. Through my work as a patent agent, I
know that I am a key participant in the promotion of scientific progress.
I still run into acquaintances from
my research days who ask me why I "left science." I am quick to set
them straight. I may not get my hands wet, but I use far more of my education
and training than I ever did at the bench, and I am very much still in science.
I firmly believe my experiences in science and patent prosecution will allow me
to be a creative and contributing member of Villanova University, both as a
student and as a future attorney representing achievement.
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Business School
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Business School Admissions Essay
Samples
This section contains three MBA
essays:
Why
MBA? Essay
Turkish news nowadays carry vivid
images which have become terrifyingly commonplace: the surface of the sea
littered with dead sheep; a landfill explosion leading to a number of deaths;
vendors offering radiation-contaminated tea for half-price; a little girl's
death resulting from her fall through an open sewage manhole in her schoolyard;
radioactive waste sold to unsuspecting scrap dealers; a twenty-year-old tanker
breaking into pieces, spilling hundreds of tons of crude oil into the ocean and
killing sea life all around.
The frequency with which these environmental disasters fill Turkish news
broadcasts -- along with the obvious insensitivity of the authorities towards
both environment and health issues -- prompted me to learn about ways to prevent
these types of disasters. At the age of fifteen, I decided to focus my studies
on environmental sciences in order to equip myself with the technical tools I
would need to make a real contribution.
After earning a master's degree in environmental sciences, I completed a
professional international management certificate program in order to gain a
management perspective of the field. I then realized that, in order to
effectively combine my technical knowledge and management skills, I needed to
accumulate real-world experience. Specifically, working at a large company would
allow me to develop insight into various industries, as well as an overarching
vision of the international business arena.
I have now worked for nearly two years in the energy and environment group of
Koc Holding, Turkey's first and biggest diversified conglomerate. As a project
engineer, I am mainly responsible for our holding companies' environment and
energy sector investments. This position has given me the opportunity to
interact with businessmen from all over the world, thereby expanding my
international perspective. Because of my outstanding work performance, I was
chosen to attend various meetings with local and international governmental
bodies such as OPIC, IFC, and the World Bank. It is highly unusual for a young
associate to represent the company at such events, and my self-confidence -- as
well as my management skills -- was further enhanced by that successful
experience.
While working in various business lines, including the automotive industry,
consumer durables, and the energy sector, I have realized that the root cause of
many environmental problems is financial. I believe that many people in the
environmental sector are so ignorant or insensitive that they will cheat
customers to increase profits. Furthermore, businesses do not prioritize
environmental investments; as a result, insufficient funds are allocated to
adequately prevent problems. For instance, despite a population over eight
million people, Istanbul, Turkey's largest city, still lacks a properly
operating sewage system. In most of the areas of the city, waste water is
discharged directly into the Bosphorus.
In the long term, I hope to help solve my country's problems by starting my own
environmental-services business in Turkey. The company will serve both local and
international customers by providing cost-effective, adaptable solutions ranging
from waste management to safety management. In order to accomplish this goal,
however, I must deepen my knowledge of the field. Despite my experience, I still
lack some important knowledge and management skills, especially in finance,
marketing, and entrepreneurship. I am also aware that my knowledge of American
environmental issues is insufficient. Since dealing with aspects of
international business will be an integral part of my job as an entrepreneur, it
is essential that I fill in these gaps.
The NAME School's MBA program is the perfect bridge from where I am to where I
want to be. I am attracted by the inventiveness and uniqueness of its
entrepreneurial and finance programs, and believe that I will increase my
practical knowledge of entrepreneurship by interacting with my classmates. I
value the fact that at NAME entrepreneurial education does not stop at the
classroom, but rather continues through internships and extracurricular
activities. I feel that a business school for entrepreneurs should balance a
dose of theory with real-world application, and NAME's curriculum and hands-on
experiences through associations, internships, and the management field study
provide such balance.
I am also drawn to NAME because of the school's emphasis on teamwork and
technology, reflected by such exciting courses and programs as High Technology
Entrepreneurship, International Finance, 12-week field application projects, and
the global immersion program directed to teach global thinking and global
action. Additionally, the school's profusion of student groups and its flexible
entrepreneurial program -- with electives from 200 courses -- will allow me to
tailor my course of study directly to my career interests. It is precisely this
flexibility that I plan to draw on while at NAME and beyond, by taking advantage
of (and contributing to) the school's strong international alumni network.
Above all, a NAME MBA will help me strengthen both the finance knowledge and the
entrepreneurial skills necessary to secure a position as an environmental
specialist in a multinational American-based firm. Such a position, in turn,
will prepare me to accomplish my long-term ambition of building my own company.
By developing and maximizing the technical knowledge and managerial skills I
have already accumulated, NAME will allow me to ultimately make a concrete and
substantial contribution to Turkey's environment.
Uniqueness
Essay
For the first 20 years of my life,
my activities--and self-confidence--were circumscribed by the fact that I was a
chronic allergic asthmatic. I was underweight, not as strong or as well as my
peers, and unable to participate normally in sports. At night I was unable to
sleep without an inhaler beside my bed. I was forced to ingest heavy medication
on a daily basis.
At the age of 20 I started running (slowly at first), because I discovered that
this exercise--although routinely precipitating a mild asthma attack--would
later enable me to sleep through the night. Very gradually, my runs became
longer. My strength improved, the severity and frequency of my attacks lessened,
and soon I was able to discontinue all medication. More remarkably, after about
seven years I was actually able to run 20 miles with no problem at all. This
accomplishment was an enormous confidence booster, as it demonstrated that a
normal, healthy life was possible for me and that I could achieve anything if I
set my mind to it.
Eventually it was a logical step for me to progress into competition. I found
myself running in marathons and, finally, competing in triathlons. In 1983, in
fact, I successfully competed in the Hawaii Ironman triathlon, arguably the most
arduous and certainly the most celebrated single-day athletic endurance event.
I have assiduously pursued aerobic exercise for the past 11 years, ever since I
discovered that such endeavors were finally possible for me and were the means
by which I could attain physical strength and well-being. It was a long and
arduous road--from huffing and puffing (and wheezing) my way through tentative
one-mile runs to involving myself in the rigors of the triathlon--but I was
determined to become fit and to stay fit.
It has made all the difference.
Qualifications
Essay
As a Marketing Manager with ADP's
corporate marketing department, I have been assigned to lead various
product-specific marketing initiatives supporting a diversified group of
business segments. Among these tasks, none was more important to the strategic
direction of the business than leading the development of ADP's web site adp.com.
ADP, a leading $5 billion technology company with over 425,000 clients
worldwide, lacked a consistent or aggressive Internet strategy. Instead, each
business unit or division was driving its own website strategy and execution.
More often than not, the result was a fragmented message: a cluttered,
company-centric website that failed to effectively communicate our broad range
of products and services. Despite its market leadership, ADP was meeting neither
the expectations of users nor the needs of clients. The company was also missing
a tremendous marketing opportunity and risking losing market share because our
competition was operating at a far higher level than ours. Realizing that
corporate marketing could add value across the company's business segments, I
initiated and led a plan to redesign the website and fully leverage the Internet
as a marketing channel to drive branding, product awareness, and sales leads
through an integrated and path-driven website.
My role was specific: develop a strategy to improve navigation, communicate the
complete range of ADP's products and services, optimize the flow of traffic to
drive leads for the business segments, persuade visitors to purchase ADP
products and services online, and create a platform for ADP's evolving
E-business strategy. This initiative was highly challenging because of the
complexity of the service offerings, the diversity of the business, and the
overwhelming political bureaucracy within the organization.
With a limited budget, limited resources, and limited supervision, I designed a
four-phase strategy to re-evaluate the current website and replace it with an
active, path-driven site. The strategy included a review of the company's
current navigation and content, a strategic assessment mapping navigation and
functionality against corporate and divisional objectives, and the design and
architecture of the site. Furthermore, we developed a plan to validate our
recommendation with market feedback through client and prospective client focus
group interviews.
The first phase encompassed an overall program review, analysis of all current
ADP and industry Internet market research, a web traffic audit, and internal
interviews with senior management. In familiarizing ourselves with current
industry practices, we also reviewed ten competitors and twelve
business-to-business leaders' websites. These 22 sites were carefully evaluated
for their relative strengths and weaknesses in the areas of navigation, content,
degree of user-centricity, and organization. The second phase included a design
exploration. Working together with a web design firm, we developed five
different design options. In phase three, we gathered market feedback through
focus group interviews conducted with both clients and prospects based on the
current web site and on the new design options. The final phase involved
feedback-based revisions to the designs, which will be presented to ADP's
Executive Committee in April and launched in May 2000.
The project was a success. Our recommendation was received with exceedingly
positive feedback by both the business units and the Executive Vice President of
Marketing. In addition, I have been awarded with the honor of presenting the
project to the Executive Committee in April. Our long-term goal is to develop an
entire adp.com team dedicated to servicing clients and marketing on the
Internet.
The management skills I have gained from this project have been invaluable to my
career growth. I have learned the value of qualitative and quantitative
research, experience in fiscal management and project management, and the
importance of matching corporate strategy to Internet strategy. More
importantly, the experience has taught me the value of gathering senior
management "buy in" through the progression of a project. I was able
to successfully gain the support of senior management by maintaining open
communication and making them part of the process. Ultimately, this support was
critical to the success of the project, which has brought my department and me
increased visibility within the company -- a development that, in turn, has led
to more important projects. Through the success of adp.com, I am now regarded as
an effective and respected manager who has the ability to analyze and lead
complex projects from concept to completion while gaining the support of senior
management.
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